Ya know...getting older ain't fun, I mean to tell ya! Bad enough I got a gamey heart muscle, but now it likes to remind me every so often that it's still there and acting up! Started having chest pains off and on for about two weeks. This, mind you, was AFTER I'd seen my TWO, count 'em, TWO cardiologist doctors AND having a "second opinion" test regimen work-up by Doctor Number Two. Yep, I gotta heart, and yep, it's still there. So, I ask, why does it wait until the week AFTER I see my expensive test-runners/consultants BEFORE acting up?

Sheesh! Thought my ticker was gonna pop outta my chest there for a time! Now, what that means is...I was getting just a wee bit too worked up over everyday life, meaning I get upset easily, as in I get angry and frustrated REAL easy having to deal with...uh...folks of questionable intellectual abilities! Here I am, off-work and disabled for coronary artery disease which will NEVER improve or get better--I will only slowly slide into the long dirt-nap, and these twinkle-toe specimens of humanity just annoy the heck outa me with stupid questions and tests and MORE paperwork on a monthly basis!

Yes, I KNOW I shouldn't complain--it's all routine and none of it is "personal," but it still bothers me greatly to have these folks asking...no, demanding that I provide them with the SAME paperwork and doctors' notes and such, over and over again! Ain't enough to just "up-date" the paperwork with the lastest doctor visit confirming that I'm still sick and disabled and will be for the rest of my life, and will never, ever, "get better." *sigh*

This, then, is my "punishment" for having been a "civil servant" and "bureaucrat" for the last 22 years of my life! I passed out the pointless crap and now I have to suck it up! This "situation" is exactly what deadened my soul with endless, pointless, quadruplicate forms and caused the mental break-down combined with the physical stress on the old bod! I really don't like who I have become. I let the bassards "get me down" and only too literally, break my heart!

Oh yes, I'm not shirking the responsibility here--I know MY part in being where and how I am today, but I didn't get here all on my own. I had help tearing down the mind and body, and yes...the spirit. I admit it. I allowed myself to be crushed and actively put myself in the position to make it all happen.

I know this isn't about "Joe-stuff," but I had to say it out in the open where folks could read for themselves why my life has changed so dramatically, and I don't always "play with my Joes" like I would like to do. Some days...it's a check in the "Win" column when I get out of bed on my own.

As soon as I feel better and can start playing with the troops again, I promise to post some real Joe pix of stuff I have done or been doing over the last two years or so--since the LAST time I had a major "coronary incident," as the doctors like to put it! Until then...I gotta "take it easier" than I have been, and just mellow out before I really work myself up into a state of extreme and intense anxiety and frustration and get my ticket punched, permanent-like! I doubt that would be any fun a'tall!

Thank you for reading. There's no time like the present to "have a great Joe-day!" It's nice weather out there--go out and play!